


Summoning the Stars

by stacy_l



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 15:52:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3856342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stacy_l/pseuds/stacy_l
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes there is hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Summoning the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Story originally posted in February 2007.

When he was away the stars became my solace. I would spend countless hours looking at them, my gaze fixed, and I would think of him. I would remember him. I would remember what it was like to be with him. It was a cold comfort, for when I gazed above I felt close to him but when I turned away I would feel the emptiness deep within my soul. I would feel the hole he had left in my heart. Then, then I would become angry...with myself, with the world, with the cruelty of fate and yes I would become angry with him. Resentment would fill me eating away at the precious memories those stars had stirred within me. I would grow so angry with him that I began to hate him, and then I began to hate myself for hating him.

He left me. He left me to travel the stars above. He left me to "ascend" to a higher plane. He turned his back on me, on the world, on us and I couldn't blame him. I really couldn't because towards the end we began to mistreat him. We didn't hurt him, not physically, but we caused him some pain. We began to forget him, and I sense that he began to feel as if his purpose in our lives had been served. In the end I think, I believe, he felt...useless to us, and he didn't want to feel that way anymore.

When he asked me to let him go it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but it was also much easier than it should've been. I left him go and I felt...relieved. If he left then I could deny that I felt more for him than I should. If he left I could go on with my masquerade. I could continue to feign interest in Carter without causing him any degree of pain in the process. If he left I would no longer have to hide my true feelings. I could "pretend" with a clear conscience.

I was fooling myself, of course, because the moment he walked away from me was the moment my world collapsed around me. The moment he left I felt the life go out of me. I felt his loss so deeply, and I combated those feelings with anger and rage, with disdain and denial.

I tried to forget him. I tried to wipe him from my mind. I tried to eliminate all trace of him, but I couldn't do it. I tried so hard to eradicate him, to erase him once and for all. I put on a mask of indifference. I acted as if I didn't care that he had left us. I acted as if I didn't care that with him went my heart, went my soul...went my reason for living. 

I was a fool. I held heaven in my arms, and I let it go. I held a blessing in my arms, and I turned my back on it. I left him go and in his place came darkness, despair, emptiness, a loss so deep that I feared I wouldn't be able to go on. I held someone precious in my arms, and I left him go. I took him for granted, and I lost him.

When I gaze at those same stars now shining brightly above me I feel his presence so very close to me. If I close my eyes I can feel the warmth of him. I can feel his arms wrapping tightly around me. I can hear his voice whispering softly in my ear. I can feel his breath bathing my face. When I close my eyes it's as if he's with me just as before, and I feel whole again. When I open my eyes I feel his absence to the very core. I feel a loss so great that I nearly crumble, fear enters in and I'm certain that I have truly lost him...but then I hear the sound of quiet footsteps gliding across a carpeted floor. I want to turn, but I hesitate afraid that I'm dreaming, that I'm asleep and if I wake he'll be gone.

As I force my gaze back to the full moon I feel arms wrap around me from behind and a warm body press against me as a quiet voice asks, "What are you thinking about, Jack?" before several feather light kisses find my exposed neck. 

I smile answering, "Hmm...you, the moon, the stars..."

"I see."

I open my mouth to speak again but instead release a drawn out moan as he begins to nibble tenderly on my neck. As I arch back into him he releases a deep throaty chuckle before whispering softly in my ear, "Come to bed, Jack. I'm getting lonely."

The smile on my face broadens further as I lean back into him more firmly replying, "In a minute there's something I have to do."

"And what's that?"

Turning to offer him more of my neck to suckle I answer, "Thank whoever returned you to me..."

 

** The End **


End file.
